*you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

It was time to let go, time to grow up, time to stand up. So I left. Which was a pretty good choice. I left and I never looked back, not even once. Why? Well because I realized that I'm not the person that gives up almost everything and makes sacrifices and struggles in order to make other people pround, while they simply watch and whine. Fuck that! Just because I behave in a much more normal way, normal for you, weird for me, that doesn't mean I care. Just because I'm trying to be nice and be a good person, trust me I won't do that with everyone, only with the people that deserve.

“There’s a perspective there and it’s a human being in the
crossroads, in this pinnacle, in this precarious balance of
decision making. It’s really about brutal honesty and about
going to war with yourself and hopefully winning. In a sense,
it’s conceptual because every song on the record has that
perspective and comes from that place of self-examination,
change, ultimately rebirth and renewal. It’s about this choice
to believe, and it’s an optimistic choice even though the word
‘lie’ is in it, it’s an optimistic title because no matter
what happens we collectively as a race continue to keep moving
forward regardless of the insanity.”

*Sympathique*

Cu toţii avem probleme. Problemele noastre. Şi acum ne împarţim în 2 categorii, cei care au timp să se gândească la ale lor şi cei care îi ajută pe alţii şi nu mai au timp să se gândească la ale lor.

Ultimii sunt mai deştepţi, dar nu întotdeauna. Cred că e mult, dar mult mai bine uneori să le laşi pe ale tale dracu şi să îi ajuţi pe alţii, şi asta nu înseamna că eşti cel mai bun om din lume sau cel mai grijuliu şi darnic, ci din contră este şi o notă de egoism. Egoism exact, pentru că neavând timp să iţi vezi de tine, laşi toate la o parte, nu te mai agiţi, nu te mai enervezi, nu te mai superi aiurea şi te simţi mult mai bine. Îţi dai seama? Fără neuroni futuţi şi aşa degeaba. Super, nu spun că trebuie să faci asta întotdeauna, dar în majoritatea timpului e cea mai bună variantă.

Şi recunosc nu am avut timp de tâmpeniile pe care le debitam de obicei, nu am mai fost nervoasă, ba chiar am început să ma abţin să mai înjur toţi rataţii, şi-o iau ei oricum fără să mă enervez eu- du-te mă cu măta, du-te. Calm şi bună dispoziţie, linişte şi afară vremea e chiar frumoasă. Vine vara imediat, nu că m-ar încânta faptu' că o să ne sufocăm din cauza căldurii, cât mă încântă bine meritata pauză. Frumos. Frumos. Frumos.

Îmi e foarte bine şi intenţionez să rămână aşa. Chiar îmi era dor să mă trezesc în weekend şi să fie soare, mult soare şi cald şi să îmi beau cafeaua şi să îmi fumez ţigara şi să fie frumos afară.

Nu-i nimic, make it my fault.

To be continued..

*I have a heart i swear i do !

But surgery is a trauma in and of itself, and once it's over, the real healing begins. It's called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It's a solitary distance run. It's long. It's exhausting. And it's lonely as hell.


Decisions, decisions, decisions, fucking decisions. Well i guess i wanna change. I overanalyzed the hole situation and the thing is that i do have a way too complicated mind and when it comes down to making a decision, and i'm not talking about decisions like "soooo what should i wear today?" or stuff like that, when i say decisions i'm talking about things that will affect my life one way or another, more or less. And when that kind of decision has to be made i start asking myself questions like " what if?", " but if i'm wrong?", " how can i be sure it's like that?" and so on. And it's not ok, not at all because sometimes you have to quit thinking so much because if it feels right, it probably is. I do want to be a nice person and sometimes being nice to the people you don't necessarily like isn't called two faced, it's called growing up. I do want to learn and i do wanna appreciate what i have and i do wanna respect people more and stop considering them a bunch of assholes until they prove me wrong because once in a while there are people that deserve more, and that wouldn't be fair, right? But that doesn't mean i won't make any mistakes, and from time to time say something stupid or act stupid and screw things up. I think that if i remind myself how things used to be before i started acting and then almost ending up a totally cold heartless bitch that couldn't be changed ,maybe once in a while it will be pretty usefull to do that. Because out there, there are people that do need someone to help them,or listen to them and maybe it's ok if they know you are there for them and they can count on you anytime. I can do that, i do it most of the time but the question is, can you? If I were to give one piece of advice that would be stop overthinking everything people! At the end of the day you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or whats holding you together. And remember never invite someone into your head if you don't intend to let them stay. Despite the fact that it's raining cats and dogs, as my teacher would say, the wheather was fucked up all day and it annoys me, not all the time, but today made me feel tired. So anyway sometimes change is good, really change is everything. We have to change this thing: we say that we live our lives to the fullest but that's not like that we postpone a lot of things that we have to do and say until there will be no tomorrow. People will tell you they care, but they don't seem to show it unless you get sick, die or become famous. I don't agree with it 100% but sometimes depending on the people and the situation it's pretty much true.

Fuck NEVERLAND let's not come back until FOREVER ends.
No one needs a smile as much as a person who fails to give one. now how about showing me a big SMILE

Be strong,and you'll finally see the truth: that a hero lies in you. Well it sounds funny but it's true because when it comes down to helping the people we care about we are able to move mountains and even give up our own happiness just to see them smiling. I know what i'm talking about and when you realize that you are able to put someone else's happiness in front of yours, well that's a hell of a moment that makes your day(s) because that's the thing that proves you care about that someone else instead of you- no more "self-centreism".


Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

*FUCKING TRUE

When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

Change. We don't like it, we fear it. But, we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anyone who tell you different is lying. The more things change the more they stay the same. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.